It can be frustrating, worrying, distressing or even frightening when someone close
to you begins to use drugs regularly. For some users drugs can become the most important
thing in their lives, this can leave partners and families desperate for information
and support to deal with their situation. The strain of living with someone else’s
drug or alcohol use is more than most people can cope with alone - partners and
families need support and there is help available.
Recognising when there is a problem
When someone begins to use cocaine regularly, they can seem to change almost overnight.
You might notice a change in their behaviour; they may become irritable, aggressive
or more demanding. But often it is a change in their attitude that can be most distressing
for families, priorities change and their words and actions appear to be completely
selfish.
Sometimes funding a drug use can lead to lying and even stealing. People who have
developed problems with drugs can become good at stretching the truth and lying
to those nearest to them. Families are also often the first port of call when money
runs out to pay for a drug habit. Or maybe a drug user can become involved with
crime, the police can become involved adding to an already stressful situation.
This breach of trust can tear families apart.
The fact is drug use puts a strain on partners and family relationships. Feelings
of disapproval, worry, of being let down, and even sorrow are all normal reactions.
But, you should never feel the situation is hopeless.
There are national and local agencies that can help you more by either getting more
information from their website or leaflets or by contacting your local Family Support
Group for a one-to-one meeting.
Why do people use drugs?
The reasons why people begin to use drugs or why they develop problems are different
for each person. It’s useful to keep in mind that anyone who starts to use cocaine
will have thought that they would never have any problems.
Often people try things because friends are doing it or they may have just felt
curious to see what it is like. But people can begin to use cocaine regularly, like
every weekend; and this can soon turn into a habit.
The body quickly gets used to an amount of drugs, meaning that people have to begin
to take more and more to get the same effect they did when they first start using.
It’s when someone starts to use cocaine regularly, or has begun to use larger amounts
the more likely it is they will have problems or get themselves into difficult situations.
Drug and alcohol problems can affect anyone.
How can you help?
It is important that you take care of yourself. Feeling used, bullied or threatened
by someone close to you is never acceptable, the
Adfam website can give you details about how to set boundaries with a drug
user to try and help you gain some control over the situation.
However, sometimes relations can break down so this is not possible. It is at this
stage you should get some help and advice from support groups; they will be able
to talk through the situation with you help you reach a decision about how to deal
with it.
You should understand that it was the choice of the drug user to begin using drugs.
It is also the choice of the drug user whether they go and get help for their drug
problems. This is not a decision you can be made responsible for.
However, you can try and talk with the person you are worried about to try and get
them to understand your concerns and encourage them to get some help for their drug
use.
Here are seven tips to help you talk to a cocaine user you are worried about
- It can be difficult to talk to someone about their drug use or drinking habits
without sounding like you are lecturing or judging them. Get your self in the right
frame of mind before you begin. Don’t have a discussion in the ‘heat of moment’
when you are angry or upset.
- Also, getting off to a good start is half the battle. You will know the person
you are worried about and will be able to recognise the times when you are both
relaxed together, and so can raise the subject. Find a time when you won’t be interrupted
and you both feel comfortable. This doesn’t mean setting up the situation, but more
recognising a good opportunity and taking advantage of it.
- Get informed. It will be easy for a cocaine user to dismiss your concerns if
you don’t have any facts to back yourself up. Knowledge is power the more you know
the stronger case you will have. Read through the rest of this site, pick up an
information booklet or call one of the services below to get the facts about cocaine
use.
- Talking - a beginning – not an end! Don’t approach this has having one big conversation
that covers everything, never to be mentioned again. You should aim to create an
atmosphere that the person feels able to talk to you again. If you do not listen
to them, you cannot expect them to listen to you.
- Listen to what the person has to say. Don’t fall into the trap of starting a
conversation but ending it as a telling off session, or a shouting match. Remember
they are the only ones who can tell you what is going on in their life, and they
are not likely to open up if the only reaction you have is not listening to a word
they say.
- There are many emotions that can stop us from listening. When you feel angry,
worried or anxious about what you are hearing, make a conscious effort to control
your feelings and listen.
- BUT listening is not the same as agreeing! As you listen you may realise that
you are never going to agree with them. But don't stop listening. When they have
finished, state briefly and unemotionally what you think they have said. Then get
him to agree that you have properly understood. Then tell them that you do understand,
but you still don't agree.
How to find a specialist service to help a drug user
Services that can help and give treatment to drug users are available all over the
UK, sometimes the contact details for them not always easy to find. The information
below gives the details of agencies who can help.
If you live in the Bolton area there are local services that people can call on
the phone or drop-in to the offices to talk to an experienced worker. They will
be able to talk to the drug users and explain what help is available and how it
would work.
In Bolton, your local Family Support Groups is Harbour Project who offer a confidential
listening service. They can give you help, advice and information. They also hold
Bi monthly meetings if you would like to meet other people in a similar position
to you - call for details.
The Harbour Project
21 New York
Bolton, BL3 4NG
Helpline: 01204 62274
Web:http://www.boltondrugsinfo.co.uk/FamiliesFriends/
If the cocaine user is aged 18 years or under and lives in Bolton
360° service can
help young people who are in any situation and using any kind of drug. There are
lots of different types of help available. The young person will be supported to
get the right help at the right time depending on what they want. Support is also
available for family members to enable them to discuss their concerns and gain knowledge
and understanding, ranging from practical support or mediation to complex child
care issues.
360 Contact details
Phone on 01204 337330 between 9am to 5pm
Monday to Friday – except Bank Holidays.
Or text 360° on 07824 541 288. Or email to tier2.360@bolton.gov.uk. All text messages
and emails will be answered within 24 hours in 360° opening hours, texts and emails
sent during the weekend or Bank Holidays will be answered on the next working day.
There will be a trained team member available to talk to during opening hours at
our office
2nd Floor,
The Base,
Marsden Road,
Bolton, BL1 2PF.
If the cocaine user is an adult
If you are worried about your own or anyone else’s drug use there are specially trained workers at the Phoenix Drop-in centre in Bolton who can give you the information, advice and support you need.
It doesn’t matter what drugs you are worried about be it cannabis, ecstasy, cocaine, prescribed drugs or anything else, the workers there will be able to help.
The workers at Phoenix Drop-in service are all experienced people who will be happy to listen and talk to you about your situation and concerns, and they will not judge you. The workers main concern is for your health and well-being.
Phoenix Futures
The opening times will be;
Monday - Friday 12 noon - 7pm
Saturday 12 noon - 3pm
& Tuesday pm (times to be confirmed) the service will be open for carers times only.
For people living in other parts of the country there are national support groups who can help.
Adfam is a national charity working with families affected by drugs and alcohol. They provide a wide range of information and resources that can help and support families affected by drug use. They also provide an online database of local support groups that helps families hear about and talk to people who understand their situation.
Adfam - For Families and Friends of Drug Users
25 Corsham Street
London, N1 6DR
Tel: 020 7553 7640 Fax: 020 7253 7991
Web: www.adfam.org.uk
FRANK – the governments 24-hour drug helpline 0800 77 66 00
Parents Against Drug Addiction (PADA) 08457 023 867.
There are also support groups and a helpline provided by Families Anonymous (for the families and friends of drug users) 0845 1200 660
Some families experience violence or have to cope with issues around prisons and the criminal justice system. Living with a drug/alcohol user is especially difficult in these circumstances and such families might want to contact the following:
If a family member is in prison, try the Prisoners’ Families Helpline on 0808 808 2003.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, call Refuge on 0808 2000 247.